2013 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Championship – The Big Dance!

Thanks to @1918 for image!

I stole this image from @1918

Unlike last year’s tournament where a Cinderella in the form of @1918 stormed the Final Four, this year’s event featured some true heavyweights of the Twitter-sphere. The question on everyone’s mind is who will join @spikejones and @jimsterne in the hallowed hall of the Twitter Madness infamy. Each of the Final Four contestants would be worthy champions but alas just won will receive the honor of saying “Twitter Madness Tourney? I have no clue what you’re talking about.” But before we get to the championship we must first determine the combatants. Let’s go to the Final Four Summary…

@unmarketing v. @jowyang:

The early favorite in this match had to be @jowyang given his experience in the Twitter Madness event. In fact it was just last year that Jeremiah battle tweet-to-tweet with eventual champion Jim Sterne in an epic match-up so surely his mettle is well tested in this arena.

During his match-up @jowyang went with the “Travelogue Strategy” last seen in the 1972 Twitter Madness Tourney and we followed Jeremiahs travel to New York.  Some of the things we learned were:

  • He had a bunch of meetings
  • He either meditates or medicates depending on whether you believe him or his auto-correct
  • The World Trade Center looks magnificent – so eff you terrorists!
  • He had some more meetings
  • The AT&T building is designed to withstand a nuclear attack – and probably angry customers I assume
  • People in Colorado speak the most normal…or is it Ohio…whatever.
  • More meetings
  • Sushi chefs spend waaaaaaay too much time learning their craft
  • It takes 5,100 gallons of fuel to fly from NYC to SF just slightly more than what a Hummer uses going to the other side of town.

In all a rather pedestrian performance by the Altimeter Man. Frankly I woulda cut my trip short so that I could focus on the Tourney but whatevs

So what about @unmarketing ? Could he topple last year’s Tourney Runner up?  What did we learn from Scott during the match-up?

  • He’s a lawbreaker.  A nice lawbreaker but a lawbreaker nonetheless (FWIW, only would a Canadian compliment the cop that pulled him over)

@unmarketing gets busted by the po po

  • He offered his insight on what happens when you unsubscribe from an email list

Unsubscribed ? Bwahahaha

  • He shared a follower’s insight on QR Code strategy

QR Code Strategey?

  • He provided an analysis of Microsoft’s Retail presence.

crickets....crickets

  • He finished off with a video of 5 Year-Old Jonah Rocking out on a System of a Down drum cover

Yes Jonah, you rock! But you know who else rocks? @unmarketing, that’s who.

Winner: @unmarketing

====================

@JustinKownacki v. @AndyBeal:

A battle of two Twitter Madness Tourney veterans.  One “Armchair sociologist & perpetual contrarian”, the other CEO of @Trackur, founder of @MarketingPilgrm. Loves the ukulele, taekwo….what? Plays the ukulele?  Oh let’s check that out.  I suggest turning the speakers to 11 while reading the remainder of this post

So @JustinKownacki of the Erie, Pennsylvania Kownackis is always a though provoking observer of his surroundings.  He almost didn’t even qualify for the tournament because I suspect his intellect is too high, but then I remembered he was from Erie, PA, the same town as my good pal @ToddAllen9 and he’s pretty much an idiot so I figured how smart could this Justin guy really be.  But back to the task at hand, Justin started as he normally does poking his followers with tweet like this:

He does have a point

And ya know he’s got a point…in fact I think I taking tomorrow off.

He also wisely observed:

Beware of Time Manangement

I’ll throw in people with clean offices, whassup wit dat?

But then he went all intellectual on us again:

Dedeviled Eggs?

I mean I love bedeviled eggs as much as the next guy but what does that have to do with electronics? But he eventually brought himself back with a well-timed burrito reference:

I love me some burritos

But then went right back to the intellectual stuff quoting, of course Nabokov, who is, of course, the back-up goaltender for the New York Islanders

Nabokov, poet, goaltender

Wait….what???

So, in typical @JustinKownacki style he gave you  mixed bag ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime, from the highbrow to the low brow…ok….I don’t even know what that means.

Now what of @AndyBeal, he of the indiscernible accent, what was he up to during this critical match-up…

Once again he was up to his old tricks, vacillating between over the top compliments to me, the Owner and Commissioner of the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney and downright jabs to my character.  His bait and switch strategy has worked in the past, but would that continue?

He started by concurring with @FYeahAnalytics on the integrity of the Tourney itself..

The Twitter Madness Tourney Rigged?

Well, I never….

Then he mixed in some stuff about Mobile Ads and LinkedIn…

Then figuring he’d done enough for one day went to go see the Carolina Hurricanes get beat again with 108 of his closest friends.

The Carolina Hurricanes are horrible

The funny thing is that I really believe only 108 people showed up for the game cuz those Hurricanes are

Just.

Awful.

Then he jumped back to his compliments:

Snark Off?

@deanshaw snark-off Champion

And then either insulted me or complimented me, I don’t have a clue <mental note: ask @JustinKownacki, he’ll know):

An Ornithorhynchus what?

And then he went back to some stuff like ‘reputation management’ and Digg.

And then inexplicitly, without reason, @AndyBeal dropped the biggest bombshell in the 86 year history of the Twitter Madness Tourney:

Real Housewives of Orange County

Surely #RHOC doesn’t mean what I think it means, does it?

Not Judging

“Like, oh my Gawd, I gotta go, I just found out @AndyBeal watches our show”

And with that, the Tournament was halted while Twitter Madness officials checked to see if @AndyBeal’s Twitter account had been hacked by a 49 year divorcee from Nebraska. When it was discovered that @AndyBeal had in fact authored that Tweet, the judges made the pronouncement that this tournament could not go on without @AndyBeal for fear that it would miss more stunning revelations. And so with that we had a winner.

Winner: @AndyBeal

To Justin and Jeremiah we bid a fond farewell. To Andy and Scott….LET”S GET IT ON!

To check out the brackets go to @deanshaw Twitter Madness 2013 Brackets

For more info on the tourney check out my 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

@deanshaw 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney: Elite 8 Recap

Twitter Madness Elite 8There’s a tradition in Twitter Madness Tournament play to not talk about the next step until you’ve climbed the one in front of you. I’m sure going to the Sweet 16 is beyond your wildest dreams, so let’s just keep it right there.
Forget about the 140 character limit, the size of their Klout score, their fancy avatars, and remember what got you here. Focus on the fundamentals that we’ve gone over time and time again.
And most important, don’t get caught up thinking about winning or losing this Tourney. If you put your effort and concentration into Tweeting to your potential, to be the best that you can be, I don’t care what the scoreboard says at the end of the game, in my book we’re gonna be winners!
But enough with plagiarizing motivation speeches from Hoosiers and on the Elite 8 Wrap-up

Feature Match-up: @TheFakeESPN v. @unmarketing

Let’s get this out of the way right now, if you are a sports fan with a little bit of cynicism then you have to follow @TheFakeESPN. If you’re just a sports fan, then you have to follow @TheFakeESPN. If your neither a sports fan nor cynical than why the Hell are you even reading this…go to wherever non-cynical non-sports fans go…probably @Oprah

@oprah

As usual @TheFakeESPN served up a bevy of great fake sports content which is awesome and all but there’s something missing…you know… that engagement stuff…

Fake ESPN Followers

I mean c’mon man, you have 410,080 followers but only follow 49 Twitter accounts?  According to the @deanshaw “WhatAreYouTooGoodForUs” index, @TheFakeESPN scores an embarrassing 8,389.

As for @unmarketing, his “WhatAreYouTooGoodForUs” index is 4.1.  But what about content? Well let’s see what we learned about @unmarketing during this match-up:

  1. He thinks “We Care a Lot” by Faith No More is one of the greatest songs of his generation.  Now, if “his generation” is limited to that one Tuesday back in 1987 then I can probably agree with him.  Other than that, All I can say is ‘We Care a Lot” isn’t even the greatest song by Faith No More.  That honor goes to “Epic”…

Faith No More

  1. He’s down with The Shawshank Redemption
  2. He’s a Blue Jays fan
  3. He understands the impact “The” Gretzky trade had to all of Canada
  4. He clearly understands the importance of the Twitter Madness Tourney

@unmarketing Tweet

Winner: @unmarketing

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A now for the rest of the Elite 8 Match-ups…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@GinaMcCrae v. @jowyang:

First there was “The Drive”

The Drive

Then there was “The Fumble”

The Fumble

And now there is another epic fail to add to Cleveland sports lore – The Twumble….or is it the The Twive…oh, I don’t know, but it’s epic!!!

@GinaMcCrae acknowledged her opponent as she has done successfully throughout the Tourney…you know engaging them and all that stuff you’re supposed to do on social media.  But her words were prophetic, and a nod to the black cloud the permanently hangs over Cleveland’s sports landscape

McCrae and the Black Cloud of Cleveland

And so it was, she made the fatal mistake of looking back at her most recently dispatched opponent @frankreed with  a little Bing bashing.

McCrae Looks back

Sadly, I tried looking up “What are the chances of @GinaMcCrae winning this match by looking backward not forwards?” on Bing and I couldn’t find it in the results.

While all this went on @jowyang was his normal workmanlike self, offering a summary of Google’s lame April Fool’s Day pranks and a spreadsheet showing how much time is spent sleeping and working, reminding me of how pathetic my life is. This time around it was enough to dispatch of his rookie rival.

So we must say goodbye to this year’s Cinderella story and let her get back to Cleveland where, if my memory serves me well, probably has a depressing black cloud hanging over it.

Winner: @jowyang

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@JustinKownacki v. @SocialMedia411:

During the course of this year’s Twitter Madness Tourney, @SocialMedia has been the class of the field and seemingly this year’s anointed one.  Like Old Faithful , they offered an endless stream of “things that don’t suck”.  From Instagram and Facebook, to Twitter and Vine, if you’re looking for kiss-ass info on social media, this is the only Twitter handle you need to follow

As for @JustinKownacki,  he had music on his mind with nods to Green Day, Notorious B.I.G, Ice Cube and George Clinton  all while questioning the diagnosis of ADHD and crappy PIXAR sequels.  Paraphrasing Forrest Gump – He’s like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.  But where he scored massive points was on this gem:

pocket-sized bag of nuts

No worries, @JustinKownacki because you will now also be tormented with “Ghost of Final Four Present”

Winner: @JustinKownacki

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@kaimac v. @AndyBeal:

In a re-match of last year’s Elite 8 match-up, @kaimac and @AndyBeal once again locked horns to see who would advance to the Final Four.  Last year’s match was a barn-burner and ultimately decided by a series of opportunistic tweets by @kaimac that covered “The Big Three”:  Beer, potatoes, and pie.  @AndyBeal was unable to recover from this brilliant onslaught and was left to utter a string of internet acronyms. It was SOL for @AndyBeal

But that was then and this is now.

Best I could tell @kaimac had two things on his mind: April Fool’s Day and his distrust of Internet reviews.  I don’t know no about the accuracy of all online reviews but I do know that the Select Inn in Minot, ND is the worst hotel on the planet.

As for @AndyBeal, perhaps out of a sense of desperation he was unusually nice to me….and my Mom

@AndyBeal is nice to my Mom

But then got back to the sarcastic Andy I know and love…

@AndyBeal is nice to me

But then went back to “nice” Andy

@AndyBeal is nice to me again

It was all very confusing to me, but in the end, surprisingly effective.

Winner: @AndyBeal

 

So the Field of Four is set!  Let’s get it on!

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To check out the brackets go to @deanshaw Twitter Madness 2013 Brackets

For more info on the tourney check out my 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

@deanshaw 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney: Sweet 16 Recap

Sweet 16

Things are really heating up in the 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney, and by “heating up” I mean no one really gives a shit, except for about half of the remaining contestants. The rest are all, like, “Twitter Madness what?” and “I don’t get it” and “Like I give a rat’s ass.”  So with enthusiasm at an all–time high let’s take a look at the Sweet 16 match-ups and who makes it through to the Elite 8

Featured Match-Up: @adage v. @unmarketing*: 

For the first time in Twitter Madness Tourney history a competitor has tweeted about bacon and lost their match.  The “Bacon Strategy” as it has become to be known, is widely used, often in desperation, but always successfully since the Twitter Madness Tournament started in 1954.  In this case however, @adage chose to bury the tweet amongst an unusual amount of Agency gobbledygook thus minimizing its “Wow!” appeal.

Adage

And while @unmarketing was rather quiet during this crucial Sweet 16 match-up, he did take time to post a nifty xtranormal video about Social Media ROI Conversations.  ‘So what?’ you ask? Well I for one appreciate the time it takes to slap one of those together, having done a few myself.  Making it funny or interesting is an even bigger challenge but @unmarketing manages to do both.  Now, was his better than the ones I’ve done?  Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that….

@unmarketing Masterpiece: The Social Media ROI Conversation

@deanshaw Masterpiece: The Adventures of Social Media Guy 

Whichever you prefer, the win goes to the guy who put the “un” into marketing.
Winner: @unmarketing

And now on to the rest of the Sweet 16 Action…

@HubSpot v. @jowyang: So @HubSpot offered a plethora of amazing content that will make you a better online marketer.  @jowyang on the other hand Re-Tweeted one of my blog posts, and showed us he’s not the Super Human we thought he was by screwing up his math:

Bad math

That obvious and intentional display of mathematical miscalculation won my heart.
Winner: @jowyang

@GinaMcCrae v. @frankreed: I’ll have to admit, for a first time Twitter Madness Tourney participant, @GinaMcCrae certainly has swagger, look,for example, at this initial tweet in her match-up with Twitter Madness veteran @FrankReed –

Self-respect

Of course, what @GinaMcCrae doesn’t know is that in the 42 year history of the Twitter Madness Tourney, no one with self-respect has ever won the championship.  That aside, it wasn’t the brashness or self-respect that won @GinaMcCrae this improbably victory, it was the fact that @frankreed only tweeted once.  Talk about no self-respect.
Winner: @GinaMcCrae

@JustinKownacki v. @leeodden: @leeodden tweeted a lot about conferences.  Among other things, @JustinKownacki shared stuff like this:

Battle with Cancer

Somehow conferences don’t seem all that important.
Winner: @JustinKownacki

@SocialMedia411 v. @MicheleJKiss: The Displaced Aussie in Boston/Partner, Web Analytics Demystified/Gadget nerd/Drinker of Apple Kool-Aid was awesome as always, and @SocialMedia411 continued to offer a consistent stream of great info. In the end they ended up in a statistical tie – only the second in the 72 year history of the tournament.  According to Rule 42, Section 8, Paragraph 3 of the Twitter Madness Tourney Rules, the tie goes to the one who has Carl from Caddyshack on their Twitter page. Gunga Galungda
Winner: @SocialMedia411

@jimsterne v. @kaimac: Highlights of @jimsterne during match-up:

  1. Bacon
  2. Two, yes two published articles

3. And this guy:

   baby

Highlights of @kaimac during match-up:

virtue

Advantage: virtue
Winner: @kaimac

@FYeahAnalytics v. @AndyBeal: And in the Battle Royale of the Sweet Sixteen, @FYeahAnalytics and @AndyBeal traded Twitter Reply’s on subjects that included scary avatars, bacon, and 404 Error pages – a true battle between two Twitter Titans. It was a competition so close I called my Mom for guidance. She told me @AndyBeal was the son she wanted me to be and that other guy had a curse word in his name.
Winner: @andybeal

And now on to the Elite 8

To check out the brackets go to @deanshaw Twitter Madness 2013 Brackets

For more info on the tourney check out my 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

@deanshaw 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney: Round 2 Recap

Round 2 Summary

The competition heated up in round 2 of the 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney as the participants vied for a coveted spot in the Sweet Sixteen.  It was a round full of twist and turns and the first ever “double elimination”.  Yes two competitors were so equally horrible that I eliminated both of them.  To fill the void I made the Twitter Madness: Round 2unprecedented move to grant the much desired spot to a loser in another match-up. They don’t call it Twitter Madness for nothing. Let this be a lesson to the field

of sixteen. If you commit Twitter atrocities during this tournament you not only disrespect me, but you disrespect your country, the Corps, and your Mama.

For the winners, see you in the Sweet Sixteen.  For the Losers, grab your bags and go home!

Featured Match-up: @mental_floss v. @jimsterne

Let’s just get the record straight, you don’t become the Twitter Madness Champion by being some ham ‘n’ egger with a Twitter account. It takes all kind of social savvy and digital acumen to reach the Twitter Madness Tourney mountain top.  So it’s not surprising, that @jimsterne played his second round match-up like a fiddle, nay, a Stradivarius.  So what did he do right this time?

  1. He re-tweeted my wrap-up from Round 1 and acknowledge that in doing so he violated Tweet Type 3 in my List of 27 Tweet Types
  2. He mentioned “poop” in a tweet.
  3. He dropped some of his own content on us with “Analytics Misery Loves Company
  4. And if that wasn’t enough, he re-tweeted a linked to my presentation at the upcoming #eMetrics Conference. I hope I’ll see all of you there!

Jim Sterne Tweets about #emetrics

Winner: @jimsterne

And now let’s take a look at the other exciting match-ups…

@FastCompany v. @spikejones: FastCompany is most certainly a firehouse of great content that they tweet day and night, night and day.  It’s a virtually ongoing education on business, technology…and pandas apparently.  But you know that person you meet at a party that corners you and drones on and on, endlessly about a bunch of shit you just don’t care that much about and you just want to punch him in the face and tell him to shut the fuck up.  That person is FastCompany. They tweeted a total of 134 times in the 2 day match-up with @spikejones.  As for Spike, he tweeted a mere 8 times and said something about zombies and hating you.  Advantage: Spike Jones
Winner: @spikejones

@unmarketing v. @TheFakeESPN: If you’re a sports fan you should definitely be following the always funny @TheFakeESPN. As a bonus they have an picture of bacon on their Twitter page – and nothing scores points in the Twitter Madness Tourney quite like bacon.  On the other side is @unmarketing who is self-admittedly “kind of a big deal on a fairly irrelevant soc media site which inflates his self-importance.”  Bacon wins. Bacon always wins.
Winner: @TheFakeESPN

@adage v. @1918: Phil, why dost thou beseech me?  Last year’s Tournament Cinderella could only muster up a couple tweets in the 2nd round match-up against Ad Age. That was meager enough to hand the win to @adage
Winner: @adage

@ovrdrv v. @TheFakeCNN: I never thought it would be possible for both sides to lose but the performance of @ovrdrv AND @TheFakeESPN was so underwhelming it was impossible to determine a winner.  So, in an unprecedented move the Commissioner has ruled that both will be bounced from the tournament and @unmarketing who lost to a picture of  bacon will be granted a second chance.  The Commissioner also announced that “Raspberry-Frosted Pop-Tarts are friggin’ awesome.” Film at 11.
Winner: @unmarketing

@HubSpot v. @AudienceCreator:  Twitter madness Tourney Rookie tweeted something about “hidden bacteria lurking on your mobile device just as I was taking a big lick off my iPhone. Not cool @AudienceCreator. Not. Cool.
Winner: @HubSpot

@jowyang v. @webby2001: In my Twitter Madness Tourney Rules I forgot to mention one very important point: “not feeling an ounce of guilt for loving Ambrosia” disqualifies you from the competition. Sorry @webby2001, that’s just how much I feel.
Winner: @jowyang

@GinaMcCrae v. @chuckhemann: The brash rookie from Cleveland continued her aggressive play in round two even poking her nose into the @FYeahAnalytics v. @erictpeterson match-up.  But she made an almost fatal mistake late in the match-up when she actually tweeted the term “Mmm duhLISH” sensing she’d really fucked up she quickly followed that up with a tweet about “Pancakewiches” which acted as the antidote to her previous misstep.  As for @chuckhemann, he spent the first part of the match traveling and then pissed me of by tweeting about being at Ruth’s Chris Steak House and eating apple tarts.
Winner: @GinaMcCrae

@frankreed v. @DavidBThomas: Frank started strong out of the gate tweeting about cheese and doughnuts and then gave us the history of Internet Meme’s. As for @DavidBThomas he offered up only a couple tweets during the match-up, but to be honest, he’s at his most brilliant on Facebook, check him out there!
Winner: @frankreed

@JustinKownacki v. @cnmoody:  There are times I wished @JustinKownacki would just wear a GoPro video camera so I could follow him around all day. Granted he uses a lot of fancy words sometimes and is way smarter than me, but the tweets I do understand and his observations on everyday live are pure gold. Nothing wrong with you @cnmoody, you just ran up against a tough Twitter hombre this time  <mental note: ask @JustinKownacki what ‘hombre” means>.
Winner: @JustinKownacki

@SeinfeldToday v. @leeodden: Would 4 measly tweets from the always brilliant @SeinfeldToday be enough to topple the Online Marketing Master?  Not this time Jerry. What is the deal with that?
Winner: @leeodden

@avinash v. @SocialMedia411: @avinash is one of the most renowned practitioners in my field of analytics and I love him like a brother, but following @SocialMedia411 is like getting a free education in new media.
Winner: @SocialMedia411

@GinnySkal v. @MicheleJKiss: @GinnySkal (why do I always read that as SkinnyGal?) is a force of nature here in the Triangle but she has two passions I can’t get with, cats and Pat Sajak. Fortunately for @MicheleJKiss she only shares one of those passions…unless she would like to publicly declare her love for Mr. Sajak?????   Barring a last minute admission, the edge here goes to @MicheleJKiss
Winner: @MicheleJKiss

@iowahawkblog v. @kaimac: OK, I’ll be honest here. @kaimac wins because I’m tired of @iowahawkblog’s right wing crap and because Brooklyn Brutus is the wind beneath @kaimac’s wings
Winner: @kaimac

@FYeahAnalytics v. @erictpeterson: In a stunning development, @FYeahAnalytics wins by forfeit as @erictpeterson declares that “Twitter is not a game”
Winner: @FYeahAnalytics

@mitchjoel v. @AndyBeal: I just talked to my Mom on the phone. She said that @AndyBeal is the son she wanted me to be, so I guess he wins this round.  It helps that @mitchjoel only tweeted 3 times during the match-up ;)
Winner: @AndyBeal

So there you have it, the Sweet 16 of the 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney.  Good luck to all and to all a good night!

The @deanshaw 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney Tips Off! Round 1 Coverage

Ya know who should win the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney this year? Me, that’s who.  I mean this on-going monitoring and analysis of my brackets is a freakin’ pain in the ass.  But alas, I am barred from participating in the event because of my overwhelming advantage.

Round 1So, the 1st round is in the books and as expected there we’re some stunning upsets.  That’s the beauty of this tournament you don’t have to be a “Rock Star” or “Ninja” or even a “Guru”. You can be just a regular old hack like @andybeal and still advance in Twitter Madness.  All you need is some interesting or clever tweets and you can have your own “One Shining Moment”  My GAWD that song is horrible.

Let’s take a look at my in depth analysis that I just wasted 3 hours on and see who’s in and who’s out…

FEATURE MATCH-UP: @chrisbrogan v. @GinaMcCrae 

It always warms the cockles of my heart when I see a virtual unknown embrace the Twitter Madness Tourney and step up to the plate oblivious to the challenge that lay ahead.  Such was the case in the epic 1st Round match-up we saw in McCrae vs. Brogan. In a Titanic upset the wunderkind David from Cleveland upset the Goliath of all things Twitter.  The Tourney newbie seemed un-intimidated and play surprisingly well by mocking my tourney.  A ballsy move by the Twitter Tourney diaper dandy.

Ain't Nobody Got Time Fo Dat

@deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney Gets Mocked

Not to be openly mocked @deanshaw mocks the mocker:

Willy Wonka Mocks the Mocker

@deanshaw Mocks the Mocker

McCrae brilliantly followed my mock of her mock with another mock, pulling off the first ever double-mock meme in the history of the tournament

The Mocker mocks the Mock of the Mockee

As for Chris, he ain’t got time fo dat.
Winner: @GinaMcCrae

And now a summary of the other exciting matchups…
@FastCompany v. @mikewhitmore: Fast Company’s tweet barrage (almost 200 unique in total) was way too much for Former digital anthropologist, entrepreneur, husband, blogger, musician, professional speaker, networker & Nutella lover
Winner @FastCompany

@spikejones v. @jtobin: While Jim brought an interesting NCAA Bracket based on Twitter presence the wily Spike Jones let others do the talking for him while he spoke at some Word of Mouth thingy dingy. Talk about advocacy!
Winner: @spikejones

@unmarketing v. @jamieplesser: Like @spikejones, @unmarketing let his audience speak for him including quoting him on this gem “The difference between a person with 7 years retail experience and 1 year, is the person with 7 years hates people more.” Since I’ll probably shamelessly steal that I may as well give him entre to the next round.
Winner: @unmarketing

@TheFakeESPN v. @SmallsMeasures: Tough matchup for Smalls and @TheFakeESPN didn’t choke it away
Winner: @The FakeESPN

@adage v. @HelenASPopkin: Could Ad Age AND Helen Popkin both forgotten about their matchup?  A decidedly underwhelming performance by both goes to Ad Age for including Oreos and Kit Kats n the same tweet.
Winner: @adage

@unbounce v. @1918: In the best match-up of the day, last year’s tournament darling @1918 stood toe to toe with the Canadian un-bounce advocates. When the match ended in a statistical tie, I had to go to the rules books which clearly states in Rule 219, Article 3 that “in the event of a statistical tie, the win will be awarded to the person who tweets about BBQ the most.”
Winner: @1918

@JudahWorldChamp v. @ovrdrv: Both competitors played sloppy twittering but OverDrive was less bad than Judah.
Winner: @ovrdrv

@TheFakeCNN v. @CoreyCreed: The Fake CNN is just way too funny in thi matchup and beat out the Internet Marketing Guru
Winner: @TheFakeCNN

@HubSpot v. @SquareJawMedia:  SquareJaw can only muscle out 4 tweets and gets buried by an avalanche of HubSpot informational goodness
Winner: @HubSpot

@anjeanettec v. @AudienceCreator: Audience Creator won by default as the comedy of Anjeanette took an unfortunate hiatus during the matchup
Winner: @AudienceCreator

@jowyang v. @digitalalex: Wait, I wonder if Digital Alex was hanging with @anjeanettec the past few days as he was curiously absent from his matchup with @jowyang
Winner: @jowyang

@webby2001 v. @glenngabe: Another close battle, with Webby edging out Gabe because of some original content and I think he said something about brisket.
Winner: @webby2001

@chuckhemann v. @RudiShumpert: Are you effing kidding me Shumpert? I give you entre into the biggest Twitter Tournament on the planet and you tweet 4 times including a RT and one mentioning Klout? I can’t wait to see you at eMetrics so I can give you a piece of my mind…and a drink…I recall I owe you a drink.
Winner: @chuckhemann

@MarkRaganCEO v. @frankreed: Wait…what??? MarkRaganCEO didn’t even tweet during his matchup?  Are you kidding me? Are you getting your Tourney advice from @RudiShumprt or something???
Winner: @FrankReed

@DavidBThomas v. @Cole_Watts: Dave Thomas started off using the “I’ll just be the scribe for @ToddWheatland” tweet strategy which hasn’t been used in over 45 years, and just when I was about to vanquish him to the loser pile he said something about a coupon for ‘Critter Removal”
Winner: @DavidBThomas

@TheOnion v. @JustinKownacki: I knee jerk reaction was to just give this to @TheOnion, but Justin’s observations on everyday life were just to good…and always are.
Winner: @JustinKownacki

@cnmoody v. @stevehall: Moody plays small but comes up big.  Sometimes less is more.
Winner: @cnmoody

@SeinfeldToday v. @carlsonjill: I guess Jill didn’t want to come out to play. Seinfeld wins by default
Winner: @SeinfeldToday

@leeodden v. @JayDolan: Lee wasn’t at his best but he was good enough to slip by at Jay kid.
Winner: @leeodden

@avinash v. @awarenessinc: Two legendary competitors stumbled during their matchup but @Avinash said something about the snooze button…and I freaking LOVE the snooze button.
Winner: @avinash

@SocialMedia411 v. @mktgdouchebag: Despite passing along a great video with David Bowie and Sonic Youth  and a FREAKING great Social Media Strategy Generator , the Social Media 411 wins based on volume of great content
Winner: @SocialMedia411

@dmscott v. @GinnySkal: In another big upset, @GinnySkal squeaks out a victory over the heavily favored @dmscott despite picking Marquette to go all the way in the NCAA Tournament
Winner: @GinnySkal

@gemise v. @MicheleJKiss: @gemise violated Tweet Type 3 too many times and was disqualified
Winner: @MicheleJKiss

@mental_floss v. @coreyspencer: Apparently @coreyspencer is a Canadian living in Utah who LIKES movies, comic books, video games, digital marketing and analytics, but LOVES his sweet wife and 3 insane little boys but DOESN’T tweet during the Twitter Madness Tourney
Winner: @mental_floss

@jeffreylcohen v. @jimsterne: Last year’s Twitter Madness Tourney Champion wins because if he doesn’t he’ll throw another pox on my house and because I’m scared he’ll beat me up at next month’s eMetrics Conference.
Winner: @jimsterne

@iowahawkblog v. @zachward: Ya know how I said I follow some people cuz they piss me off? @iowahawkblog is one of those people and yet he advances to the next round. WTF is wrong with me?
Winner: @iowahawkblog

@badbanana v. @kaimac: @BadBanana picked the wrong time to be bad. @kaimac advances
Winner: @kaimac

@wwwbigbaldhead v. @FYeahAnalytics: I had high hopes for my favorite zombie killer but apparently slaying the dead doesn’t mean slaying the Twitter competition.
Winner: @FYeahAnalytics

@lruettimann v. @erictpeterson: Eric has blocked me from seeing his Tweets and has disavowed the Twitter Madness Tourney altogether.  A savvy show of reverse psychology if ever I saw one – and for that he advances to the next round.

Eric Peterson is undecided

Eric Peterson is undecided

Eric Peterson is still undecided

Eric Peterson is still undecided

Winner: @erictpeterson

@mitchjoel v. @OMLee: Despite a killer Hot Dog Baseball Salary calculator that @OMLee offered to the world, Mitch wins due to his Canadianess.
Winner: @mitchjoel

@AndyBeal v. @johnlovett: You’re in the Twitter Madness Tourney and you only tweet once??? John you have disrespected your country, the Corps, and your Momma.
Winner: @AndyBeal

Congrats to the winners, you’re on to the 2nd round and even tougher competition.  For the losers, go on home and cry to your Mammys.

To check out the brackets go to: http://challonge.com/TwitterMadness2013

Survey of Super Bowl XLVII Interest

A study commissioned by the @deanshaw Institute indicates that the majority up America couldn’t could less about the outcome of this year’s Super Bowl.  Based on a survey of one respondent the results clearly showed that from coast to coast there was very little interest in who the eventual winner would be. There were three outliers in the data clustered around Maryland and Northern California. There also appeared to be strong interest in Southern Nevada.

In a related study, it was determined that 97% of people would rather pour buffalo wing sauce in their eyes than see Ray Lewis do that stupid dance again. The other 3% classified themselves as legally blind.

 

Super Bowl XLVII Survey

Kristin Stewart: The Greatest Crisis Management Guru of All Time

Kristen Stewart is a TrampireGranted she is just the smokin’ hot young actress from the Twilight series, but if the acting thing doesn’t work out Kristin Stewart might have a career as the world’s great Crisis Management Consultant.  No really, I’m serious about that.  Witness her recent scandal where she was caught canoodling with the very-married and 20 years her senior, director of the Twilight series, Rupert Sanders.

Her response to the allegations were straight from the “Here’s how you handle a crisis” playbook.  Let’s take a look:

On July 17, 2012, the actress was caught by photographers in a series of steamy rendezvous with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders, 41 and on July 24th those photos were splashed across the pages of US Weekly.

On July 25, 2012 Stewart issues the following statement to People Magazine:

I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.

Boom!

So what did she do right?

1. She responded quickly.  Rather than let the media or tabloids (are they the same things?) drive the narrative, she immediately responded to the allegations. By owning the story you own the direction it takes.  Typically, companies will adopt the “close your eyes and cover your ears” response and hope it will all go away.  As John Edwards will tell you, it doesn’t always happen that way

2. She told the truth – Many crisis experts will recite the adage “it’s not the crime, it’s the cover-up.” Isn’t that right President Nixon? Rather than to the typical knee jerk “The allegations are totally false and I will work aggressively to clear my name” routine, Stewart admitted to the affair and in doing so neutered the story in its tracks.  Is any of this making any sense to you U.S. Representative Anthony Weiner?

3. Her statement was brief and to the point. Rather than write a soliloquy explaining herself she stuck with a simple, matter of fact admission. No excuses. No detailed explanation. This is in contrast to the epic Tiger Woods’ explanation of his sordid affairs which almost needed commercial break s it was so long.

4. She apologized – There was no finger pointing, no scapegoating, just a simple admission and apology. She didn’t even name her canoodling partner. Is this making any sense Time magazine writer, Washington Post columnist, and CNN host Fareed Zakaria?

5. She was sincere – Her statement is an obvious heartfelt apology.  This wasn’t something run through her publicists or legal team and it shows. Any of this sinking in Rush Limbaugh?

Of course, her perfect response to the allegation put her “team” into panic mode as they worked to downplay and even deny the affair, which only served to bring focus back on the rumors when Stewart had effectively squashed the story.  This brings us to another rule of crisis management:

6. Manage the crisis through a clear and consistent message – preferably through a designated spokesperson. In this case Stewart was that spokesperson.  By contradicting her statement they have only reignited the scandal and begged the media to wonder what really happened. Way to go overzealous publicist people.

Has she taking her lumps? Of course she has and so will you. But she minimized the damage by following a perfectly executed crisis management plan. And if losing that douchebag Robert Pattinson is part of the punishment then I would say she’s already way ahead!

So say what you will about Kristen Stewart’s acting chops, but if you’re ever in need of a good Crisis Communication Consultant give the Trampire a call because she probably handled her crisis better than you’ll handle yours.

LinkedIn and When “Free” is not “Free”

I drank a fucking boatload of Jack Daniel’s. To the point where they sent me a deed for one square foot of land in Tennessee so that I could officially be a Tennessee squire. I offered to do an ad for them after that, and I got a very nice letter back saying, “Bill, we love you, but this shit sells itself.  - Bill Maher

A couple days ago I got an email from LinkedIn offering a ‘Free Month of LinkedIn Premium’.  Hmm, I thought, LinkedIn is really the shit when is come to getting found by employers.  I can honestly say that absolutely every opportunity brought to me in the last couple years has come through LinkedIn.  More interestingly, in every occasion, it was the actual employer, not a headhunter that contacted me.

<SIDENOTE: This is bad news if you’re a headhunter or monster.com)

All of this exposure came through a regular LinkedIn profile and without any active outreach on my part.  I’m actually quite content where I’m at.  So before I get on my rant about LinkedIn, first let me say this: If you don’t have a complete profile set-up on LinkedIn, stop reading this now and go do it.

Now!

I’m Serious.

I’ll stop typing until you get back…

See wasn’t that easy?

Ok, here’s the rant I promised and if you listen close there’s a lesson here for all Marketers.

So I got this email from LinkedIn…

 

Notice the call to action…

Free is sometimes not free

Wow! Personalized and everything! It’s like they said “Dean we know you like us and we like you too. And since we like each other so much we’re gonna do you a favor.”  So with the bait set, I started thinking that as good a LinkedIn has been, maybe I could get even more from it with LinkedIn Premium.  I knew there were other paid versions of LinkedIn, but hadn’t thought too much about it until this email arrived.  Bravo LinkedIn Email team.  I’ll bite and give you a click-through.  Nothing to lose right?

So what do I see next?

LinkedIn Premium Options

Ok, this is good; it’s clearly spelling out the differences between the various levels of LinkedIn accounts.  I can clearly see what I have, and what I’m missing out on.  I’m still in your web LinkedIn!  Great job so far.  Let’s get that “Free” trial….

There's no such thing as a free lunch

Wait…what the f#&K is this??? It’s like, a checkout page, with like, credit card info and shit.  I thought this was free?  I mean it said “free” all over the place?  When does “free” mean “give us your credit card info?”  The answer of course is “free” means give us your credit card when it’s not an offer to try a solution more so than an offer to test your memory.

It’s at that point I notice the subtle reminder…

Linkedin Fine Print

Well LinkedIn, this is where I jump off.  Geez and you were so close.

I wish us Marketing folks would quit it with these shady tricks (that’s all they are – tricks).  You see,

“Free” is “Free”.

“Free” is not surcharges, hidden fees, shipping & handling, fine print.

“Free” is “Free”.

“Free” is not “Free*”

* Discount applies to the promotional period only. Your card will start being charged when the promotional period has ended.

“Free” is “Free”

“Free” is not “Hey we’ll let you try it but not before you give us your credit card info so we can unscrupulously charge you in 30 days because by then you’ve forgotten about even signing up for the trial and our research department said that while 38% of you will be pissed off and call us to bitch and complain causing some bad PR that we’ll smooth over with a slick social media camnpaign, 62% of you won’t even notice the charge and it will be a revenue windfall for us which is important cuz we’re a public company and need to grow revenue so our shareholders will be happy.”

 ###

As a Marketer I want to offer a good product at a fair price with great service and support.  As a consumer I want the same things.  As a Marketer if I have to employ “tricks” to sell my product, it means that my product can’t stand on its own.  As a Marketer, it also means that I’m lazy and resorting the same bag of tricks that I detest as a consumer.

Let’s be better than that.  Let’s promote our products and services the way we would want them promoted to us.  Let’s forget that 3 pt. font exists and stop it with the fine print.  Let’s stop thinking about fooling the customer and think about how to provide value to the customer.

In the end, LinkedIn, a service I love, missed an opportunity to give me a taste of LinkedIn Premium with no-strings attached.  They could have given me the upgrade “truly free” for 30 days, shown me value, and then pitched me.   Instead, they gambled, asked for credit card info and hoped I’d forget the ticking clock of the trial and somehow not notice the recurring charges.  And that hurts my heart.

Message:

To LinkedIn: Your product is better than that, you don’t need to resort to “Trick Marketing”

To Marketers: If you need to resort to “Trick Marketing” to sell your product, try instead to make your product so good it doesn’t need tricks.  Or as wise old Jack Daniels might say: “Make the shit sell itself”.

Digital Marketing Buzzword BINGO: 2012 Edition

Hey folks, chances are you are headed to the latest greatest new media/social media/digital marketing conference sometime soon where gurus, ninjas, rock stars, and mavens of the industry will tell you the same bullshit they told you last year. But to make everything sound new they are going to wrap that same old shit in brand new monikers. And let’s face it, if you don’t know the lingo, your peers are going to laugh at you, and your chances to be taken seriously will be greatly impaired. So, after weeks of research I have assembled the definitive list of terms to look out for in 2012, while you traverse the country attending these various wastes of time valuable events. And in order to make it interesting for you I have assembled all these terms on a convenient and fun to play BINGO card.

So be sure to bring this along to your next conference. The rules are easy, the more terms you cross-off at your next conference as they are mentioned, the more bullshit you’re being bamboozled with. If, by chance, you should happen to fill in the entire card, well, then you’re probably at SXSW.

Digital Marketing Buzzword Bingo

Communication and the Art of Not Communicating

Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV. – Jerry Seinfeld

Recently Jeremiah Owyang (@jowyang) tweeted a photo from the stage of his panel at SXSWi. His intent was to show the throng of people who had showed up for his early morning panel. I’d like to discuss how attending a 9:30 a.m. panel classifies one as a “morning bird”, but that post is for another day. What struck me about his picture is the fact that not one, let me repeat that, “NOT ONE” of the people pictured in his audience is in a conversation with their neighbor. Seriously, look. Everyone’s attention is focused on whatever is happening on their mobile device. Here we are at SXSWi – the “i” stands for “Interactive” by the way – and there isn’t one person “interacting”. An entire conference focused on how to engage with people, communicate your message, develop your digital listening skills, and we have an audience doing none of that…

Communication?

I’ll admit that I am being hypocritical here, and I am as fused to my phone as anyone. Hell, I’m not even paying attention to myself as I write this because I’m more curious as to what’s going on in my Facebook news stream. But this photo is stunning to me. When did we become so adept and aware of the importance of communication yet completely lose the ability to communicate?

Everywhere I go, I see the scene in Jeremiah’s audience playing out. In airports, malls, family gatherings, and most frighteningly, behind the wheel of cars!!! We have become so consumed with consuming the world within our mobile devices that we no longer notice the real world go on around us.

Technology allows us to do magical things that we couldn’t have dreamt about even 10 years ago. And that is a good thing. But it has also made us slaves to those things. Paraphrasing Seinfeld, we don’t want to know what’s going on around us; we want to know what’s else is going on.

I got an idea. Let’s take some time everyday and look for opportunities to engage with the people around us, you know, like in the olden days before iphones, when we really communicated with each other. Next time you’re in the audience at an event, waiting for Jeremiah (or whomever) to tell you how important it is to communicate with your audience…communicate with your audience – those people around you – ya, that guy sitting right next to you. Stop tweeting, stop checking in, stop posting, stop texting, and stop browsing because that guy right next to you has a fascinating story to share, and so do you.

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