It’s Final Four Time in the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney
Well the action is heating up and we’ve reach the Final Four of the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney the excitement across America is palpable. I have no idea what palpable means but I heard Greg Gumbel say it during a Gonzaga game once so it must be relevant. And even as I tire of the ruse that this exhibition has become, I have been inspired by its contestants who have encouraged me with statements like, “Who are you again?” and “Seriously, quit tweeting me messages” or “You know I really don’t care”. And so it is, because of this overwhelming demand, that I persevere, and continue on dissecting the matchups, running the numbers through the ‘Twitter Madness algorithm’ (patent pending) and bring you the Final Four!
@SpikeJones v. @ShannonPaul Ya know how Theodore Roosevelt said it wasn’t wise poke Sasquatch with sharp stick? Ya, me neither, but trust me, he said it. And while both @SpikeJones and @ShannonPaul has less than stellar Twitter performances in this round they both found time to take jabs at me. @ShannonPaul reminded me that death’s door when she indicated that she was in Grade 2 while I was going to R.E.M. concerts in Detroit. @SpikeJones bragged about his Lady Bears were in the Elite 8 of the Women’s NCAA Tournament reminding me about how pathetic my Bowling Green Falcon have never won a sausage at anything. Well they won an NCAA hockey championship but I am pretty sure that counts as nothing. In the end being reminded that I’m inching closer to death proved to be much more damaging to me than knowing I went to a school with crap sports teams.
@adage v. @Justinkownacki / @mtkgdouchebag Ya remember those old time wrestling matches where Big Bad Bobby Duncan would distract the referee while Black Jack Lanza got his brass knuckles out and clobbered Superfly Jimmy Snuka? Ya, me neither but trust me, it happened. It was completely unfair but then again you almost needed 2 guys to beat Jimmy Snuka so in that sense it was the price you had to pay for a fair wrestlin’ match. Well just like old time wrestling, this week saw the first ever, 2 on 1 death cage match in the 1 year history of the @deanshaw Twitter madness tourney pitting Big Bad @Justinkownacki and Black @mtkgdouchebag against Superfly @adage. And just like their Pro Wrestling predecessors, @JustinKownacki and @mtkgdouchebag teamed up to stun @adage who had an uncharacteristically poor performance.
Winner: @Justinkownacki / @mtkgdouchebag
@adrants v. @YourCustomers Ya remember when I took two really hot chicks to the high school prom but could only go home with one? Ya, me neither but trust me, it happened. And just like that magic night, here I was with two Twitter beauties battling for the honor to take me home. They both were very engaging, smart, and had a great set of RTs (if ya know what I mean). At the Prom, as ‘Stairway To Heaven’ began to wind down and the lights came up, I needed to make a critical decision and ultimately went home with my Mom who was waiting for me in our ’76 Pinto. In this case, because @YourCustomers committed the sin of reposting tweets, @adrants is coming home with me, in my Mom’s ’76 Pinto.
@SethMacFarlane v. @SocialMedia411 ya remember when @SethMacFarlane begged me to get him into the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney and promised that he was “gonna go all the way” and fly me out to Hollywood to party when he won? Ya me neither but believe me I was there, and it happened. Well as luck would have it @SethMacFarlane maneuvered his way to the Elite 8 and seemed destined for a Cinderella run to the Final Four. But alas the funnyman ran into the buzzsaw that is @socialmedia411 beat him senseless with a barrage of Twitter kicks to his funny bone. Back to cartoon land for you @SethMacFarlane.
Welcome to the Final Four boys…and…errr…corporate entities. May the best Tweeter or whoever I figure does best win! #BringIt