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The Championship of the 2012 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney

As a boy growing up in Winnipeg, Manitoba, I had dreams. Dreams of scoring the winning goal in the Stanley Cup finals, dreams of one day walking on the moon, dreams of starring alongside Goldie Hawn in a badly producedThe Twitter Madness Championship Trophy romantic comedy, and dreams of one day winning the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney. But alas those dreams were derailed by poor skating skills, a moth-balled space program, a shortcoming in Hollywood good-looks, and ineligibility to participate in my own Twitter Tourney. Just as the stars aligned against me, they shot beacons of hope to 64 competitors in this year’s tournament. One by one those stars dimmed until there were just two remaining challengers for this year’s crown.

The last Tweeters standing are @jowyang and @jimsterne. They both showed the mettle, endurance, and acumen over each of their opponents to meet here in the Twitter Madness Final. As legends in their respective fields this promised to be a rock ‘em sock ‘em final. Let’s go to the action shall we?

Tale of the Tape

Tale of the Tape

Color Commentary: @jowyang
Jeremiah showed his usual consistency during the final, bringing the noise AND the funk. He appeared to say “This is who I am, take me or leave me” This was a surprisingly courageous strategy given that this was likely the most important two days of tweeting in his life. But he showed amazing poise as he offered up some great tweets including:

Worst URLs Ever!

Which revealed some amazingly funny (and real) corporate URLs like:

* Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at http://www.expertsexchange.com

* Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at http://www.penisland.net

* Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… http://www.powergenitalia.com

The snarky but insightful:

Jowyang Facebook

And alerting us to a new search engine that no one will ever use:

Duck Duck Go

He was really focused and effective until…

iPhone bug
iPhone Bug
iPhone Bug

In a jaw-dropping twitter meltdown, Jeremiah became distracted by an iPhone glitch that derailed the intense focus that had become his hallmark. By the time the issue was resolved, the buzzer had sounded on his Twitter Madness Championship. But did he do enough to win?

Color Commentary: @jimsterne
Unlike Jeremiah, Jim took an opposite tact for the final, and in chameleon-like fashion departed from his normal web/social media measurement focus to go “all in” on the Twitter Madness Tourney. At much risk to his legion of Twitter followers, who undoubtedly thought Jim had fallen off the Tweet wagon, Jim mixed in a heavy dose of content targeting the championship that he knew was needed to win the competition and gain true social media credibility.

So in addition to his normal tweet programming, Jim surgically addressed my blog post “The Complete List of 25 Tweet Types” posting examples of each type of tweet douchebaggery with amazing accuracy.

A sampling of 25 Tweet Types

So it would seem obvious that this would cement a victory for the metrics man right? Well, actually not really. How’s that for suspense?

Final Analysis:
Ok, ya see folks, the thing with this Twitter stuff is that it’s all really just an endless stream of blather with a shelf life of about 10 sec. before it evaporates into the digital ether. You can talk about “influence” and “engagement”, and God forbid, “Klout” all you want, but in the end all that stuff is just bullshit. “Real” engagement doesn’t happen here in the digital world – it happens at your work, on your campus, on the field, in the grocery store, and at home. That’s were real connections are made. So put down your laptop, your phone, your Twitter, your Facebook, and go talk to someone, you know, someone non-digital, and go have a real conversation.

And without further ado (drum roll please…or rim shot….your choice) the winner of the 2012 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tournament is:

@jimsterne

Listen, I think all of the people I follow on Twitter are great, especially those who made it in this year’s tourney. You keep me informed, make me laugh, often ruin my productivity, and make life a little more interesting. For that, I thank you all!

But what separated Jim this year was the fact that the tournament started with me being an absolute unknown in his world. As the tournament progressed and Jim moved along in it, we interacted (digitally) about the tournament. At some point we inspired each other to create blog posts. Me in a post called ‘Social Media; Influence, Engagement and the Elusive ROI’ (For what it’s worth Jim told me I was wrong and threw a pox on my house) and Jim in a post entitled ‘Social Intercourse: How to Score Online

Eventually, however, the “digital” became “human” and ended on the patio of a Starbucks in North Carolina, where Jim and I traded wild and woolly stories from the world of analytics. The vapor of Twitter had turned into the caramel macchiato of real conversation. And that, my friend, is “engagement”.

@deanshaw and @jimsterne chillin'

Congratulations Jim!

So there you have it. The 2102 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney.

Congratulation to the runner-up @jowyang who will assume the crown should @jimsterne be unable to fulfill the requirements of champion. Odds are 50/50 on that.

Finally, congratulations to all tourney participants, who all bring value to my twitterstream every day.

See you all again in 2013.

@deanshaw

Now back to my regularly scheduled and woefully backlogged blog posts

To check out the final brackets go to @deanshaw Twitter Madness 2012 Brackets
For more info on the tourney check out my 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

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The Big Dance – 2012 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Championship Set

@deanshaw 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney - Final Four

Phil Buckley (@1918) made this & I am shamelessly using it Goddamit.

It was just a few weeks ago that 64 hopefuls enter the arena of Twitter competition in the 2012 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney. From longshots to titans, from locals to global icons, each held of dream of walking away with the prestigious title of Twitter Madness Champion. This honor sits alongside the Green Jacket, the Oscar, and a Nobel Peace Prize as one of the world’s most revered honors. Last year, a country bumpkin named @spikejones from Austin came from virtual obscurity to become the competition’s first champion. On Wednesday (or whenever I can get to the results – I’m friggin’ busy people), a new champion will join him.

And who will vie for this most cherished title? Well, let’s take a look at the final four matchups…

@jimsterne v. @1918: Phil (@1918) Buckley continued his unlikely and inspired run into his Final 4 matchup against web analytics wonderman @jimsterne. Phil ignored the Las Vegas bookies, who offered him at a bazillion to 1 odds, and powered his way into the Final 4 doing what he does best; offering a mix of compelling SEO-focused marketing links, original content on his blog, and promoting and engaging with local social media birds of a feather. Ya see Phil doesn’t pine to be a small fish in a big pond, preferring to be a quite massive fish in our humble Raleigh-Durham pond. I swear there isn’t a marketing related event in the Triangle that Phil isn’t smack dab in the middle of. I heard he’ll even venture to Carrboro if the hippie tree-huggers promise not to hound him for autographs.

Perhaps the most steady-eddie competitor in this year’s Tourney, Phil stuck with his tried and true game plan starting with cordial note to his adversary @jimsterne. Frankly I would have preferred some good old-fashioned trash talk but Phil always takes the high road on these types of interactions. He followed up with some of his usual high quality SEO content but lest you thought he was a one trick pony also added some mad design skillz to the competition, designing the Final Four image you see here. I’m pretty sure it was Phil’s way of saying “Dean, your images suck, get a load of this”, but I’m not gonna take that personal (cough…..point deductions…cough). Finally, he was able to slip in the word ‘bacon’ in a couple tweets scoring him a quick 76.24 Twitter Madness points. In short, Phil put up a great score and dared @jimsterne to beat it.

That brings us to @jimsterne. The heavy favorite coming into the matchup, Jim came out swinging starting with a congenial acknowledgement of his opponent Phil, scoring major points by sharing a link to Phil’s blog, despite the increased visibility and influence it was sure to afford Phil with the Sterne followers. In addition to his regular sharing of web analytic content (this hits the bulls-eye of my professional heart and soul) he tweeted some things he probably wasn’t even aware would contribute to his Final Four success.

First, he tweeted this:
'Nothing happens until someone gets pissed off' - Tom Peters

Two things stuck out here:
1. @mktgdouchebag was actually a competitor in last year’s @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney Final Four, seeing his name come up at this point in the competition reminded me of the excitement of last year’s tourney as well as just how small this social media world is.
2. I LOVE that freakin quote cuz I think its soooooo true. Let’s get pissed off America and make sh*t happen!

Next, he tweeted this:

Little did Jim know that I spent 12 years of my life in T.O. (as us Torontonians call it) and the image of that skyline reminded me of how much I love that city. Seriously folks, if you’re on the fence about this emetrics thing, just go. It’s in freakin’ Toronto. And stop by Lee’s Palace and watch some sweaty, local alternative rock. They may say something about me skippin’ out on a tab but they’re definitely talking about a different Dean Shaw.

I heart you Toronto

I heart you Toronto

Then he tweeted:

Why yes I do call myself an analyst and yes I did buy 10 lottery tickets. Eff you @jimsterne!
(Note: I’ll be at work Monday so it’s fair to assume that I didn’t win the lottery and Jim “may” get the last laugh here)

Mega Lottery Loser

Running scared from @1918’s stellar performance and continuing his Venn diagram fascination he threw this is the ring:

deanjshaw.com venn diagram

and so as not to look like he was pandering to the judge, he then offered a candid and telling opinion of my tweeting prowess:

(p.s. they turned down my order explaining my tweets weren’t worthy of such fine parchment)

Not content with questioning my acumen, he once again poked ‘retargeting’ fun at himself:

Oooh la la

Spanx Jim???? I’m blushing for you.

Finally, in an attempt to bring some culture to this sordid event, he offered up his prose in the form of a limerick:

Wow! This is horrible!

Sadly, he lost 746 points for this as it was quite simply HORRIBLE, and embarrassed leprechauns everywhere.

In the end @1918 was very strong, but @jimsterne was stronger. But be warned 2013 Twitter Madness Tourney competitors, the secret is out and look for @1918 to be a favorite in next year’s spectacle

Winner: @jimsterne

===============

@jowyang v. @kaimac: It’s obvious @kaimac wasn’t listening to the sage counseling I gave @RudiShumpert at the conclusion of Elite 8 matchups so let me freakin’ repeat….

“Folks, let me be clear on something. When you get to the Elite 8 of the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney and you don’t tweet on the first day of the matchup you disrespect me. But you not only disrespect me, you also disrespect your country, the Corps, and your Mama.”

I don’t know how clearer I could have been on this. I mean anyone who speaks English could not….wait a minute…@kaimac is Irish. I mean right off the boat smelling of beer and potatoes Irish.* Could it be that writing these posts in English as opposed to @kaimac’s native Gaelic has caused confusion for the young lad? If that’s the case, then I offer this to @kaimac:

Cad é na fuck cearr le fear agat? Ná tuigeann tú go bhfuil tú i @deanshaw Tourney Twitter Madness Final Four? Cuir síos ar an Guiness agus do cheann a fháil ar an Mick cluiche!

I’m glad I cleared that up.

On a positive note he did come strong on day 2 with a tweet offering last year’s champ @spikejones advice on serving me with a restraining order. I need that kind of discipline now and again.

As for @jowyang he seemed to find his groove with a variety of Twitter goodness including (but not limited to):

Comparing Apple fanboys to potato crazy Japanese monkeys.
Genetically modified goats mutated with Spider DNA to create spider webs in milk.
• Theorizing that our grandkids will laugh at our ‘paper’ and ‘metal’ system of currency
• A cute and boyishly naïve belief that Google+ has a hope in Hell (even though his own blog has no +1 capabilities)

* I don’t know this to be fact and it may be a gross mischaracterization and stereotyping of @kaimac and Irish people everywhere. Then again my Irish friend ‘Gus-Boy’ has been in America for almost 20 years and does, in fact, still smell of beer and potatoes.

Winner: @jowyang

===============

So there you have it, 64 competitors whittled down to 2 battle worthy competitors. To quote Denver Bronco quarterback Peyton Manning (ok that sounds weird), “IT’S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!

Let’s have at it boys!

As for @kaimac and @1918, you have inspired a nation gentleman…ok…probably not…now shoo.

To check out the brackets go to @deanshaw Twitter Madness 2012 Brackets
For more info on the tourney check out my 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

@deanshaw 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney: Elite 8 Edition

2012 Twitter Madness Tourney: Elite 8 Wrap Up
2012 Round Elite 8 Wrap Up

I believe it was Walt Whitman who said “Damn, the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney is off the chain, dawg”  Truer words were never spoken as the 2012 Edition of the Tournament was proving to be the most unpredictable and exciting in the 112 year history of the event. From grizzled veterans, to renowned celebrities, to local phenoms, the event has been one cliffhanger after another.  So captivating has been the tournament that I got a call from Steven Spielberg yesterday who wanted to option the event for a movie.  Well, I’m pretty sure it was Spielberg. I didn’t actually pick up the call and he didn’t leave a message, but c’mon, this tournament has been so spectacular why wouldn’t he yearn to base a movie on it?  Anyway, I’m sure he’ll call back and if he doesn’t I’ll let Quentin Terantino do the movie cuz I know he’s gonna call.

But enough of my name-dropping Hollywood exploits, let’s see what happened in the Elite 8…

@jimsterne v. @frankreed: Frank made a Cinderella run in this year’s tournament but this time the clock struck 12 on this Marketing Pilgrim and his golden carriage turned into a pumpkin. So what went wrong? Well not much really, this is just a case of running into the Twitter Buzzsaw that is @JimSterne.  So what did Jim do that was so special? Let me summarize.

  1. He freakin’ brought Venn Diagrams to the party. This hasn’t been seen since the ’54 Twitter Madness Tourney and Jim’s retro strategy was well timed.
  2. He pointed out his shortcomings. This is the first time in the history of Twitter that this has ever been done and Jim showed true courage in being the trailblazer of this type of humility.Male Pattern Baldness Rocks!
  1. He’s bringing his case for Twitter supremacy to the source. And I suspect I can con him into paying for the coffee as well.

Winner: @JimSterne

 

@TheOnion v. @1918: In a true David vs. Goliath matchup, local upstart Phil Buckley (aka @1918) tried to stop the undeniable force of @TheOnion. First, some background. according to his website 1918.com his twitter handle and seemingly his whole existence is predicated around the Boston Red Sox, and in its incarnation his Suck it Bostonweb presence was to honor the year of that team’s last World Series Championship (1918).  A worthy tribute I suppose but I am going to be perfectly honest with you, I hate the Red Sox, in fact there’s not much I like about Boston except for Bobby Orr, chowder, and the band.  As far as the Red Sox go, I’ll never forgive them for poaching Pedro Martinez from my beloved Montreal Expos, which proved to be the final death nail in the downward spiral of the franchise.

But this isn’t about grudges right? So let me put away my well ingrained hatred for the city and baseball team I loathe the most and focus on the man himself, and his performance. I noticed that he secured a new gig which has to be attributed to his run in the Twitter Madness Tourney. I mean that’s the kind of power this event has…it catapults careers!  To his credit he put on another successful #SEOMeetUp here in Raleigh (in an Irish Pub no less) featuring a guy making mad cash doing a web show called Freezerburns which Phil deftly promoted on Twitter with great skill. On the downside I noticed that he referenced the term “awesome sauce” which deducted 2.74 point from his score.

Now, how about @TheOnion.  @TheOnion was Jon Stewart before Jon Stewart was Jon Stewart. If that kind of humor floats your boat than there’s no one better feed to follow than @TheOnion. But during the matchup with Phil, there just seemed to be something missing in the normal stellar Onion reporting. I can’t really put my finger on it but can’t help but think they were overlooking @1918.  In fact, I detected some subtle sarcasm pointed towards Phil in one of their tweets:

I heart @TheOnion

So the question is, how much equity do I allow @The Onion, who is consistently the go-to Twitter account for all the fake news that’s fit to print.  The answer: “none Goddammit”. This is the freakin’ @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney and you better show up ready to play when the bell sounds.  So as the Onion might say:

@deanshaw : A Legend in his own mind

Winner: @1918

 

@RudiShumpert v. @jowyang: A great matchup between the Sr. Director- Technology of Keystone Solutions  and Jeremiah “Don’t call me Jow Yang” Owyang, Industry Wonk to the stars at Altimeter Group.  Jeremiah came out of the gates strong with his mix of shared and original content.  This is where Jeremiah really excels.  Rather than just use Twitter as a glorified Mashable link feeder, he throws in some of his own content.  Imagine that, a guy creating his own content and not RTing the same shit that’s been RTed a bazillion times by everyone else.  He did make a huge mistake however when he Tweeted a link that was via him. What the fuck is up with that.  As anyone familiar with my list of 25 Tweet Types will tell you, this is a clear violation of Tweet Type 3, and actually might be a new strain of Tweet, the “I RT my own Tweets” Tweet.  With a Douchebag Scale Ranking of 8 this really hurt his score and could have been fatal.

Caution: Douchy Tweet Ahead!

As for Rudi, well he inexplicitly posted no tweets on the first day of the matchup.  Folks, let me be clear on something. When you get to the Elite 8 of the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney and you don’t tweet on the first day of the matchup, you disrespect me. But you not only disrespect me, you also disrespect your country, the Corps, and your Mama.  Needless to say, that despite his faux pas Jeremiah was enough of a hare to beat Rudi’s tortoise to the finish line

Winner: @jowang

 

@kaimac v. @AndyBeal: So @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘Titantic’ and then @andybeal said somethin’ about ‘Cinderella’ and then @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘Brooklyn’ and then @andybeal said somethin’ about ‘tru dat’ and then @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘Irish beer’ and then @andybeal said somethin’ about ‘trakur’  and then @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘potatoes’ and then @andybeal said somethin’ about ‘being sexy and he knows it’ and then @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘Amazon closing at 7pm’ and then @andybeal said somethin’ about an ‘Android condom phone’ and then @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘US Soccer’ and then @andybeal said somethin’ about ‘ukeleles’ and then @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘WTF’ and then @andybeal said somethin’ about ‘lol’ and then @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘grrrr’ and then @andybeal said somethin’ about ‘OMG!’ and then @kaimac said somethin’ about ‘Pie’ and then @andybeal said….wait…what??? @kaimac said something about ‘Irish Beer’, ‘potatoes’ and ‘pie’????? Ladies and gentleman, what you have witnessed here is the first culinary trifecta in Twitter Madness history. And then @deanshaw said somethin’ about ‘Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!’

Winner: @kaimac

 

To the Winners – Welcome to the Final Four!

To the Losers – Well, no one likes a loser…scram!

To check out the brackets go to @deanshaw Twitter Madness 2012 Brackets
For more info on the tourney check out my 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

@deanshaw 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney: Sweet 16 Edition

2012 Round Sweet 16 Wrap Up

And so it was the field in the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney was narrowed to the Elite 8. So close was the competition that the results had to be run through the ‘Twitter Madness algorithm’ 17 times to ensure accuracy. The algorithm boasts an accuracy of 100%, 60% of the time which makes it as reliable a tool as the influence score on Klout.
2012 Round Sweet 16 Wrap Up
@spikejones v. @jimsterne: In what the media dubbed as the “Thrilla in Twitzilla”, two tweeters at the top of their game came together in this hotly anticipated 140 character match-up. Spike, last year’s Twitter Madness Tourney Champion and self-proclaimed Twitter curmudgeon brought with him an impressive 8 game winning streak and is the only undefeated participant in the history of the tourney. Jim Sterne, the Founder of eMetrics Marketing Optimization Summit and Web Analytics Association brought nothing with him. An easy victory for Spike right? Not so fast Sparky.

While Spike was once again strong with his usual witticism that has served him well the past two tournaments, Jim wrote what may be the greatest piece of web literature in the history of the written word. So powerful were his words that it brought tears to the likes of Chuck Norris, the Statue of David, and the Mona Lisa. It is rumored that he is being considered for a Nobel Peace Prize for Literature based on this post alone. I myself have not read this masterpiece but can only imagine it was inspired by someone of great significance, and thank God for that person, as it is rare that one reads great prose these days and the world needs more muses to inspire such great work. We bid a fond farewell to @spikejones and could only wish that his contribution to literature ‘Brains on Fire’ were as inspired as Jim’s post. For all I know it might be, but frankly, it seemed to have a lot of words in it and I’m more of a pictures guy.
Winner: @jimsterne

@chrisbrogan v. @frankreed: You gotta have some serious swagger to show up at a Twitter battle with @chrisbrogan with a few measly tweets. But that’s just what Frank did in the Sweet 16 matchup with Chris Brogan. Was Frank just being lazy or did he consciously decide to be the ying to Brogans verbose yang. Whatever it was Frank’s tact was brilliant, but not because of the quality or quantity of his tweeting, but rather because of what he didn’t tweet. That brings us to Mr. Brogan. The guy is undoubtedly a social media legend, but he committed two inexcusable errors during this crucial matchup. 1. He tweeted “True that” on 2 separate occasions. Listen folks, if you want to fit in with the cool kidz on Twitter you need to be down with the vernacular yo. And that vernacular knows that it’s “tru dat.” “True that” is what a middle-aged white guy would say…wait…what? Whaddya mean Chris is a middle-aged white guy?? Who knew? His second error was his persistent “Goodnight Moon.” I know the Moon, the Moon is a good friend of mine, and this good night stuff is starting to irritate the shit out of him. It’s also causing some workplace issues with the Sun who feels a tad bit slighted at not getting a “Good Morning Sun.” The lesson? Sometimes is not what you tweet, but rather, what you don’t tweet. Thank your lucky stars Frank, you slid by this time. As for Brogan, I think the kid has got a bright future ahead of him.
Winner: @frankreed

@TheOnion v. @badbanana: Wow! Two comedic titans battling it out on the field of Twittosity, but apparently only one showed up to the right field. I’m a big fan of @badbanana but his tweets were surprisingly lame and it’s a bad time to pull your funny hamstring. Then again, maybe he was just intimated but the awesomeness of @TheOnion who continues to be a formidable force. Either way the bad banana has got to split
Winner: @TheOnion

@1918 v. @HubSpot: In a stunning development, @1918 received the first ever Twitter Madness yellow card for a clear tournament violation. Twitter Madness Tourney Yellow CardThis violation was assessed after Phil posted tweets overtly campaigning for support in helping him win the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney. I run a clean tournament here and that shit just ain’t gonna fly. This violation would have seemed to end Phil run in the competition and in fact @HubSpot provided its usual stream of great social media information and resources. But in an amazing twist, it was revealed on Klout that @1918 was influential about ‘Australian Feral Goats’ and it just so happens I was looking around for a bunch of those to keep my lawn trim this Summer. Since Klout is enormously astute in its algorithmic measurement of influence, I now have my go-to guy for goats and Phil gets a W
Winner: @1918

@RudiShumpert v. @jdharm: @RudiShumpert RT’d my Etch-A-Sketch tweet. He wins. #YouGotAProblemWithThat?
Winner: @RudiShumpert

@jowyang v. @adage: I was looking at Jeremiah’s Twitter avatar and it occurred to me that it looked like he was saying “@deanshaw is the freakin’ man”. I appreciate those apparent sentiments Jeremiah but it was your tweets about beer and Lynyrd Skynyrd that sealed the victory. Now what tweet is it y’all wanna hear? Freebird.
Winner: @jowang

@SethMacFarlane v. @kaimac: I’d like to say @kaimac won his matchup over @SethMacFarlane because of his brilliant tweeting ability. But in this case Seth’s lackluster performance in this matchup would have lost to my Uncle Barney and my Uncle Barney died in 2007.
Winner: @kaimac

@SocialMedia411 v. @AndyBeal: Andy Beal is many things, CEO of Trackur , Founder of Marketing Pilgrim, photographer, Taekwondo master, and ukulele player So basically, he’s the son my Mom wanted me to be, well all that except for the ukulele part – she said she’d beat my ass if I ever played that. Andy also finds time to tweet, and he did just enough of that to pull out an upset over the normally strong @SocialMedia411 who was unusually quiet in this matchup.
Winner: @andybeal

For the winners it’s on to the Elite 8. For the rest of you ham ‘n’ eggers, there’s always next year.

To check out the brackets go to @deanshaw Twitter Madness 2012 Brackets
For more info on the tourney check out my 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

@deanshaw 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney: Round 2 Recap

With the field whittled down to 32, the competition in the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney was hotter than the back of an iPad3. So focused were the competitors with the task at hand they were heard murmuring “I have no ideas what this is” and “Seriously, this is stupid”, and “I don’t give a rat’s ass”. That intensity led to some epic battles including the first tie in tournament history. Below is a summary of the results that captures in detail….oh screw it…its late and I just want to get this damn thing done with.

For the winners, see you in the Sweet Sixteen. For the Losers, well, you lost. Scram.

1st Round Summary
@deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney: Round 2

@BorowitzReport v. @spikejones: In the most anticipated battle of the 2nd round, defending Twitter Madness Champ Spike took on the wise-cracking Andy Borowitz. Borowitz took an early lead and seemed to have victory in hand with gems like “In Possible Gaffe, Romney Says Poor People ‘Taste Like Chicken’”, but like a true champion Spike score late with a hail Mary tweet that included “poop”. When the dust settled, the two ended is a statistical tie, the first in Twitter Madness history. The tie breaker in these instances is, of course, “Who has the skinniest tie?” That deciding factor went to Spike whose tie is so skinny its almost negative in width.
Winner: @spikejones

@jimsterne v. @JustinKownacki: JKow sometimes suffers from being too intelligent and cultured for Twitter. As an example he used “cinematography” in one of his tweets. I’m not quite sure what that means but I am pretty sure that kind of language is frowned upon on Twitter. Conversely, Jim uses words like “T-shirt”, and “thing”, and “Oooo!” and I am definitely down with that
Winner: @jimsterne

@chrisbrogan v. @awarenessinc: Awareness Inc was going toe to toe with the social media swami when they choked and tweeted this “Our Pinterest influencer score is 23 on PinReach. What’s yours? Pinterest Influencer score? Pinterest Influencer score???? I’ll tell you what my “Pinterest Influencer Score is… it’s “You Lose”
Winner: @chrisbrogan

@frankreed v. @mollybuckley: In case you didn’t know Frank is the Managing Editor of Marketing Pilgrim and he be dropping dope marketing knowledge on yo ass daily. Molly is a funny chick with a blog that now focuses on a bunch of girl shit like ‘cinnamon & brown sugar breakfast muffins’. Sadly, I’m more of a raspberry pop-tart guy.
Winner: @frankreed

@TheOnion v. @glenngabe: “NHL Reluctantly Signs Deal With Hockey To Continue As Their Sport Through 2016.” I mean, c’mon. How are you going to compete with shit like that?
Winner: @TheOnion

@badbanana v. @erictpeterson: The Banana dropped a mere 3 tweets during this match and they were far below his normal high quality witty observations. Eric, however, spent most of his time, like, “engaging” with people. That may be Twitter best practices, but in a tournament this big it’s boring as shit
Winner: @badbanana

@thesulk v. @1918: I didn’t have time to really look at this match as @1918 tweeted this and totally distracted me for 6 hours. So I guess he won, I dunno.
Winner: @1918

@HubSpot v. @HelenASPopkin: Wanna be the next @chrisbrogan? Spend the next 2 weeks soaking up the knowledge at HubSpot. Oh, and then go get some clients.
Winner: @HubSpot

@SteveMartinToGo v. @RudiShumpert: In a mind-bogglingly stunning upset Rudi beat out Steve Martin….yes, ‘that’ Steve Martin. Unfortunately this speaks more to the fact that Steve didn’t tweet once during the match-up, moreso than Rudi’s twitter acumen.
Winner: @RudiShumpert

@jdharm v. @leeodden: I can’t explain it but I think the marble-mouth beat Lee Odden.
Winner: @jdharm

@jowyang v. @JudahWorldChampion: How do you beat the World Champion? You don’t. He decides if he’ll let you win. This time around Judah was too busy beating up local Bigfoots to tweet. We’re safer for that but at the sacrifice of the World Champion losing in this second round matchup
Winner: @jowyang

@adage v. @covati: Ad Age brought it steady-eddie stream of Madison Avenue mischief. Adam Covati brought….1 tweet?…1 tweet??????? He was probably too busy killing it at Argyle Social
Winner: @adage

@SethMacFarlane v. @gemsie: A particularly weak battle. Both combatants appear uninspired during the matchup which is amazing to me given the prize at stake here. Edge goes to Seth for tweeting a pic that confirms my belief that cats are soldiers of Satan.
Winner: @SethMacFarlane

@avinash v. @kaimac: Avinash is the embodiment of intelligence, engagement, grace, and encouragement. Kaimac is…ummm…well….errr….he looks for any opportunity to point out my obvious flaws.
Winner: @kaimac

@mediatwo v. @SocialMedia411: @mediatwo drew a tough second round matchup as the 411 continued to deliver a steady, but not overwhelming stream of great social media content that’s just off the beaten path.
Winner: @SocialMedia411

@SteveNash v. @andybeal: Poor Steve must be busy paying basketball or something as he appeared to foul out on his tweeting during his matchup with the feisty Brit. Nonetheless the uke slingin’ renaissance man left nothing to chance as he kept his pedal to the metal with a steady stream of Twitter awesomeness.
Winner: @andybeal

To check out the brackets go to @deanshaw Twitter Madness 2012 Brackets
For more info on the tourney check out my 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

@deanshaw 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney: Round 1 Wrap-Up

So the 1st round of the @deanshaw 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney is in the books and along with some expected outcomes we had some wild upsets and close calls. The 2nd round should be a real thriller as the competition heats up and the tweets become more critical.
It’s the second round people! Let’s get it on!

1st Round Summary
Twitter Madness Tourney Round 1 Wrap-Up
@BorowitzReport v. @SquareJawMedia: Like Lehigh University, this was just a tough matchup for SquareJaw and I am a sucker for snarky political humor. Wait…what??? Lehigh beat Duke????????
Winner: @BorowitzReport

@iamJeffCohen v. @spikejones: If you’re gonna beat defending champion @spikejones you’re gonna have to bring more than a few tweets about Mountain Dew.
Winner: @spikejones

@MarkRaganCEO v. @jimsterne: In the first upset of the tourney @jimsterne brings down the heavily favored PR man. Mark Ragan brings a shitload of info to your twitterstream but he violates so many of my twitter douchebaggery rules I cannot in good conscious advance him to the next round. Jim also questioned my intelligence on a blog post I wrote showing a savvy recognition of my idiocy.
Winner: @jimsterne

@DRUNKHULK v. @JustinKownacki: What a barnburner! Justin was cruising along hitting singles & doubles when out of nowhere hit a homerun with a brilliant George Clooney tweet. But in a squeaker JKow pulls out a narrow victory.
Winner: @JustinKownacki

@chrisbrogan v. @overdrv: Perhaps still stinging from his first round upset from last year Brogan narrowly beats out Overdrv who unfortunately spent much of their matchup obsessing over some chick named Jane Mass. Ya, I don’t know who she is either.
Winner: @chrisbrogan

@danzarella v. @awarenessinc: The social media scientist must have got lost on his way to the tourney posting only one tweet during the matchup. That was enough to hand the victory to Awareness.
Winner: @awarenessinc

@GSElevator v. @frankreed: Yet another bracket busting upset. Despite the Goldman Sachs news this week and the treasure trove of potential material, the elevator went down on GSElevator and Frank took advantage.
Winner: @frankreed

@mollybuckley v. @Cole_Watts: Cole Watts bracket looks waaaay better than mine at this point. He’s gotta go. #NotThatImPettyOrAnything
Winner: @mollybuckley

@TheOnion v. @carlsonjill: C’mon, it’s The Onion.
Winner: @TheOnion

@stevehall v. @glenngabe: Perhaps sensing he was up against last year’s tourney finalist, Glenn brought his A-game and overwhelmed Steve
Winner: @glenngabe

@badbanana v. @zachward: Two comedic geniuses go head to head, but while Zach was ‘hustling’ the badbanana was dropping dope tweets.
Winner: @badbanana

@dmscott v. @erictpeterson: Not only is there an “I” in David Meerman Scott but there’s also a ‘me”. Eric Peterson wins by an egomania DQ.
Winner: @erictpeterson

@thesulk v. @digitalalex: This was a battle of two people who really don’t seem to have the passion to win the Twitter Madness Tourney. Hard to figure that.
Winner: @thesulk

@1918 v. @cnmoody: Buckley whipped Moody. “That’s what she said”
Winner: @1918

@HubSpot v. @morgansiem: Morgan is tha shit but you need more than that to stop the Hubspot train.
Winner: @HubSpot

@radian6 v. @HelenASPopkin: Radian6 mostly that blah blah blah engagement stuff. Helen brought some flava to the party.
Winner: @HelenASPopkin

@iamJeffCohen v. @spikejones: If you’re gonna beat defending champion @spikejones you’re gonna have to bring more than a few tweets about Mountain Dew.
Winner: @spikejones

@SteveMartinToGo v. @coreyspencer: Ya can’t win if ya don’t tweet.
Winner: @SteveMartinToGo

@ShannonPaul v. @RudiShumpert: “if you are on opposite sides of the street you can WAVE to each other.” ‘nuf said.
Winner: @RudiShumpert

@jdharm v. @johnlovett: I thought the web analytics wonder man could handle the marbly-mouthed Stern staffer but he came up short this time.
Winner: @jdharm

@leeodden v. @DavidBThomas: My buddy Dave musta been all tuckered out from SXSW as he was unusually silent in the first round.
Winner: @leeodden

@jowyang v. @CoreyCreed: Two underwhelming performances from two heavyweight Twitter titans. Edge Owyang
Winner: @jowyang

@JudahWorldChampion v. @dearblankplease: Why do you thing he’s the world champion?
Winner: @JudahWorldChampion

@adage v. @JayDolan: Jay Dolan is getting healthy which only reminds me that I eat horribly and I’m in lousy shape. I gotta get rid of this kid
Winner: @adage

@Humblebrag v. @covati: Wow! A stunner! One of my favorite tweeters is humble and doesn’t brag. Adam Covati catches a huge break and advances to the next round!
Winner: @covati

@SethMacFarlane v. @FYeahAnalytics: A first time Twitter Madness Tourney participant and FYeah showed his rookie jitters against a comedy titan.
Winner: @SethMacFarlane

@jtobin v. @gemsie: I can only assume Jim was too much of a gentleman to beat a lady in the tourney.
Winner: @gemsie

@avinash v. @OMLee: Avinash said something about bacon.
Winner: @avinash

@kaimac v. @mktgdouchebag: The douchebag made a deep run into the tourney last year but must have pulled a hammy in his twitter finger as he was largely quiet during this matchup. Tough break for the big fella and fortuitous luck for the mick..
Winner: @kaimac

@KimJongNumberUn v. @mediatwo: That tubby little dictator kid is funny but just like his critics in North Korea, I don’t think he has the legs for this tourney
Winner: @mediatwo

@Exxx v. @SocialMedia411: I love potato-eating fairies that have pornish sounding twitter handles as much as the next guy, but The 411 is just that good.
Winner: @SocialMedia411

@SteveNash v. @lyndseo: In the battle of the Canucks (I didn’t know they had running water up there, let alone twitter) my girl and fellow Winnipegger came up short (get it? short? basketball player?) against the only decent b-ball player Canada has ever produced. Legend had it he got lost on the way to hockey practice when he was a kid and ended up at a gym.
Winner: @SteveNash

@AndyBeal v. @GinneySkal: Still bitter from his early exit at last year’s tourney, the uke playin’, karate choppin’, Hawaii visitin’, photo takin’, reputation managin’ titan is back in form and ready to rock this year.
Winner: @AndyBeal

To check out the brackets go to http://challonge.com/twittermadness2012
For more info on the tourney check out my 2012 Twitter Madness Tourney Page

The Adventures of Social Media Guy: Episode 3 – The Tweetup

Social Media Guy and Social Media Maven Make a Connection at the TweetUp

Updated! The Complete List of 27 Tweet Types

[UPDATED: 2 brand new Tweet types were just discovered and amazingly overlooked in the initial analysis. They appear at #26 and #27]

So I was reading the @jaydolan post “Top 5 Tweets I Hate to See” and it made me realize that when it comes right down to it there are only a few types of tweets that get replicated a bazillion times a day (that number drops to a few million if you exclude @GuyKawasaki). So I went back to the lab and using over 27 years of tweeting history developed an insanely complicated algorithm that told me that there are, in fact, only 25 different types of tweets in the world each with its own Douchebag Ranking.

25 Types of Tweets

The 25 Types of Tweetsdifferent types of tweets in the world each with its own Douchebag Ranking.

1. The ‘Look How Important I Am’ Tweet: Usually defined by mentioning the exotic location you are at ‘The scenery in Bora Bora is breathtaking!’), it could also include important people you talked to, or the front row seats you have to the Yanni concert. This type of tweet peaks
during SXSW where the primary agenda is for attendees to tell the world how much fun they’re having.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 8

2. The ‘HumbleBrag’ Tweet: Just follow @humblebrag and you’ll get the point. If you engage in this type of tweeting, you will slowly become as popular as that friend of yours who joined Amway.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 10

3. The ‘RT of Any Tweet You’re Mentioned In’ Tweet: It’s not enough to be pleased that you were mentioned by someone else in a tweet, but now you have to share that with all your followers to show them just how great you are. It’s usually couched with a “Thanks” or “Blush” comment that feigns humility but really screams, “I got retweeted, people like me, they really like me!”

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 7

4. The ‘I Automate Tweets Every 3 Minutes’ Tweet: A close relative of the ‘I Tweet the Same Tweet Several Times a Day Because It’s Too Good to Miss’ Tweet: this person uses twitter as his own personal bullhorn and pollutes his followers’ twitterstream. Yes, I am looking at you @GuyKawasaki. From here to fore, I am instituting the global limit of 12 tweets per day. Exceed that and I’ll have Joe Pesci pay you a visit with a Louisville Slugger.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 9

5. The ‘Multi-Hashtag’ Tweet: From the same family as the ‘Insane Hashtag Tweet’ this tweet seeks to maximize visibility by including every hashtag that might be remotely related to the content of the tweet. This tweet also tends to stuff itself with high SEO qualities and link-bait messaging. This tweeter is trying way too hard to be popular and is the same high school guy that belonged to every club imaginable. My advice? Roll the dice with one hashtag, ok Sparky? #Idiot #TryingToHard #NobodyCares

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 5

6. The ‘Look What I Can Do That You Can’t’ Tweet: Wow! You just went for a 50 mile bike ride? Just finished that IronMan? Scaled Mt. Everest while balancing 2 Sherpas on your head? Ok, ok, I get it; you are waaaaaay better than me. Now go DM @ShutYourPieHole with your vast accomplishments, Superstar.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 9

7. The ‘Conversation’ Tweet: Rather than using the DM feature, this tweet seeks to share a conversation between two tweeters generally to prove to their followers that they are good buddies with someone that others wish they were.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 5

8. The ‘Wanna Be’ Tweet: This is a lame attempt to seek attention from someone who has a degree of fame in their non-tweet life. It usually looks something like this: Hey @ChrisBrogan you know any good restaurants in Boston? I am here for a social media conference, you going?” It’s a painfully obvious and pathetic attempt to gain favor with pseudo-celebrity which largely goes unreciprocated because frankly you are below them in the Twitter caste system

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

9. The ‘Suck-Up’ Tweet; Very similar to the ‘Wanna Be’ Tweet this is where a generally anonymous tweeter attempts to get on the radar of a prominent tweeter through disingenuous and pathetic compliments. Typically the tweet looks similar to “You know who gets it? @Ambercadabra does?” This also usually leads to a ‘RT of any tweet you’re mentioned in’ Tweet by the person being complimented and a subsequent RT of the RT. It’s a vortex of douchebaggery you don’t want to get sucked into.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 8

10. The ‘I am a social media guru but hasn’t done any real social media work so I am just going to spend my day re-tweeting Mashable links all day because I got nothing better to do other than to perpetuate the myth that I am an expert’ Tweet: This family of tweets seeks to deceive followers into thinking the Tweeter is an industry thought leader when, in fact, they just have an internet connection, RSS feed, and a shitload of time

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 4

11. The ‘Goodnight’ Tweet: Let’s face it, the Twittersphere is a much lonelier place without you and doesn’t shut down until you do. This Tweet tells its followers that it’s ok to get off Twitter and go do other things, you know, like having a life.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

12. The ‘Be Right Back’ Tweet: Let’s face it, even you need to take a break from the madness that is Twitter. Telling us that you’re just “jumping off for a bit” gives us comfort that you haven’t perished in a terrible industrial accident.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

13. The ‘Good Morning’ Tweet: Like its brethren the ‘Goodnight’ Tweet, this tweets tells the world that Twitter is open for business because you are there.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

14. The ‘Twitter is how I catalog everything I do’ Tweet: “I was going to go to the movies but I think I’ll just stay in a read a book.” Gee, thanks for telling us. I am impressed you are able to make the ‘tough decisions’ and still have the confidence to share that with a doubting and skeptical world.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

15. The ‘Foursquare Check-in’ Tweet: Hey! You ousted another idiot for Mayor of the local hardware store! 1. We don’t give a shit. 2. Unless you’re Mayoralship can get me out of my speeding ticket I don’t give a crap where you are and what you’re Mayor of. 3. We don’t give a shit. I also don’t care where you’re eating, what airport you’re at or which show you are watching.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 7

16. The ‘If I compliment them enough they’ll give me something free’ tweet: This particular tweet type was aggravated by Wheat Thins who turned the practice into an ad campaign. The typical tweet goes: “Aw shucks I am all out of @XYZProduct. Oh boy, do I loooove @XYZProduct. I don’t know how I am going to make it through the day without my @XYZProduct. If I could only get my hands on some more @XYZProduct.” By the way I’ve calculated the odds of winning favor with the product manufacturer and it is less than 0%. On the bright side, the chances of you looking like a desperate stooge who wants free crap is close to 100%

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 8

17. The ‘I’m too much of a coward to complain to someone face so I’ll do it over twitter’ tweet: I can’t believe the restaurant made me wait 4 minutes for my chardonnay, I am really gonna let them have it………on Twitter. Twitter has been enabling cowardice since 2005 and has turned people everywhere into over-demanding, spoiled, whining douchebags. Back in the day, if something really bothered you, you’d have to actually talk to someone who could make it right. Thankfully, Twitter has taken that uncomfortable encounter away and replaced it with one that encourages the crucifixion of companies that dare to perform at an impossible level to those who never ever make mistakes.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 7

18. The ‘Good Lord its hot/cold/wet/dry/humid/blustery) and I can prove it’ Tweet: A relatively new genre, this tweet has become hugely popular during this summer’s heat wave. This tweet seeks to remind people of weather conditions that are painfully obvious and familiar to people. This tweet has mutated recently to include photographic evidence of the weather condition, usually through a blurry photograph of the temperature reading on a car dashboard which as everyone knows is accurate to within 47 degrees.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

19. The ‘Color Commentary’ Tweet: This tweet lulls the overzealous tweeter into thinking that doing play by play of a sporting event makes any sense to their followers or that their followers even give a crap about in the first place. What? Dustin Pedroya just stretched a single into a double off of Jared Weaver? Can ya retweet that with sound and moving images? Oh wait that TV, which is what I would be watching this on if I gave a shit. This tweet has found its way to also include live commentary of shows.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

20. The ‘Cause’ Tweet: These come in a few varieties:

– The local variety is when the tweeter asks you support a cause near & dear to them. You know, like the 5K he’s running to raise money for some local arm of a national charity. It doesn’t matter that you’ve already donated to 4,000 charitable events this year already, because this is social media and you’re supposed to genuinely care about each of your followers.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 5

– The next variety is a Global event. Remember the Haitian Earthquake? Or the Japanese Tsunami, or Hurricane Katrina. In this version you are asked to donate money to a national organization only to find out later that the money you donated still hasn’t gotten to the victims but has gotten to the 450K salary the Charity’s CEO makes who by the way is on vacation in Turks & Caicos

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

– The final variety is the moral support cause. Remember when we all changed our avatars to green in support of Iranian demonstrators? Because nothing says “I want to show I care without really having to think about it too much” better than a meaningless and disingenuous avatar color.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 8

21. The ‘News Aggregation’ Tweet: I remember first seeing these becoming more popular several months ago and at first I was impressed at how the owners were able to maintain a clean looking site that brought together relatively focused industry stories. Then upon further investigation, I realized that they were generated by a site called paper.li that was easier to set-up than Brad Pitt at a sorority party. Knowing what I know now every time I see the parade of news aggregation sites tweeted I want to scream “you lazy sack of sh#t!”

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 7

22. The ‘Double Agent’ Tweet: This is a tricky one. Here, the tweeter RTs a message that is his alter twitter handle. To the unaware it attempts to add unbiased credibility and promotion to, well, themselves. They will usually look something like this:

@JoeSmith: I couldn’t agree more RT @JoesConsulting Consultants are indispensible to your business, especially if they’re expensive.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 7

23. The “Fake Outrage” Tweet: Remember when The Gap changed their logo and all Hell broke loose on the Twittersphere? Seriously America, we used to make steel in this country and now we get our noses bent out of shape by any subtle change to our daily existence. Go ahead, stop buying chinos from the Gap. Just shut the fuck up about it.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 8

24. The “Shower me With Sympathy” Tweet: Here the victim typically describes in tragic detail an ailment that has them on death’s door. Usually, no more than a mild cold, the tweeter will tweet in Shakespearian terms to elicit the maximum volume of sympathy from followers. It’s usually a desperate cry for attention. Ignore them or better yet, find them and punch them in the face and really give them something to cry about.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 6

25. The ‘Hot Chick’ Tweet: Listen, I’m a sucker for a pretty face just like every other guy but when you get a tweet from someone with the twitter handle @LabaRaE6zww8jh with nothing but a link don’t click on it. REPEAT: DO NOT CLICK ON IT. This is not a “Hot Chick” who finds your 140 character musings fascinating. It’s a 32 year-old Russian named Sergei and he will fuck you over.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 11

26. The “I’m so awesome I RT myself ” Tweet: It’s almost hard to fathom that this kind of tweet actually exists. It’s the sasquatch of tweets in that you’ve probably heard that its been done but never beleived it. Well my friends, I actually spotted this one last week. We reached a new shallowness and egomanaical point in Twitter evolution where some douchebags are so in love with themselves they actually RT their own tweets. I know, right? Like what self-absorb ignoramus does that?  This one is so agregious that it actually broke my Douchebag Ranking algorithm so I’m just gonna have to guess….

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 15

27. The “I Have No Sense of Humility but an Obvious and Severe Inferiority Complex” Tweet: A particularly nasty hybrid of the ‘HumbleBrag’ Tweet and the ‘Look What I Can Do That You Can’t’ Tweet and chronicled at TweetingTooHard.com. These tweets are a public display of the clinical definition of ‘egomaniac’.  The only cure for this behavior of course, is a good hard punch to the nose. If you aren’t close enough to do that, then all you can do is not do what they do.  Hey I think its great that when your Porsche is in the shop you have to drive your Mercedes, but either way it’s a douchebag behind the steering wheel.

Douchebag Scale Ranking: 14

 

So there you have it, THE complete collection of Tweet Classifications. Did I miss anything? Didn’t think so but if you invent a new one let me know.

The Championship of the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney

And so it was. What started 3 weeks ago with 64 fierce and determined Twitterers…er….Tweeters…umm..,people on Twitter was slowly whittled down to the best of the best: @SpikeJones and @adrants. They both proved their mettle by beating some big time competition along with some spirited upstarts. And in the end, this competition has been less about crowning a champion as it has been about making 63 enemies. So with other further adieu (I have no idea what adieu means but it makes me look cultured no?) here is a look at the Championship match in the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney

@SpikeJones v. @adrants

Pre-Game
In a stunning development that emerged on the eve of the championship match, the nameless, faceless brilliance behind @adrants was revealed to be @stevehall, writer, publisher, cool glasses wearer. With this shocking discovery, @adrants’ dominance through the field of 64 was all of a sudden making sense. This was no the side-project of some snot-nosed Junior Achievement brats, nor the musings of a DeVry University Philosophy Major living in his parent’s basement. This was the real deal. By contrast, @SpikeJones hid behind no alias. He of @BrainsOnFire fame and an accomplished something or other in his own right, including fancy dancy titles at Fleishman-Hilliard. In short, these were no ham n’ eggers, these were true titans at their craft. I also have a sneakin’ suspicion that they can be found at the local waterin’ on any given Friday downing wobbly pops. But enough about that, let’s get to the action.

Tale of the Tape

Twitter Madness: Tale of the Tape

* Because at the end of the day, it’s all about me

Color Commentary: @adrants
@adrants stuck with the formula that got him to the big dance with clever posts about off the radar news from the field of advertising. If you want RTs of RTs, then follow @chrisbrogan or @mashable or any sycophant that follows @chrisbrogan or @mashable. If you want interesting and amusing takes on interesting and amusing stories @adrants is who you need to follow. One curious strategy was @adrants not mentioning ‘boobs’ during the championship match. It was that savvy move that earned him a spot in the championship game so it showed big coconuts to forgo that proven strategy. He did however slip in a post about ‘Fingers’ and  ‘Hot Chick’ which brilliantly distracted me.  Also, among his tweets were ‘Food Porn’ and Wonderbra 2.0. In short, @adrants stuck with his game and put in a worthy and consistent performance. If you are not following him, you be crazy in the head yo.

Color Commentary: @SpikeJones
Like @adrants, @SpikeJones stuck with the girl that brung him. And that girl likes poking fun at social media enthusiasts and hipsters. Some of his stronger musings included “It’s a vortex, wrapped in a who gives a flying eff.” And “I still don’t care what you had for lunch.” I really think that if this Digital Marketing thingy dingy doesn’t work out he could make a good living writing bumper sticker slogans, or perhaps punch lines for Snooki. What @SpikeJones doesn’t do, which endears me to him (I don’t mean that in a romantical sense – I’m all man) is that he doesn’t RT the news of the day. I mean seriously, do people really think they were breaking a major headline when they tweeted “Wow, huge tsunami in Japan http://oldne.ws/TyiNgToLoOkSmaRT” 12 hours after it happened. I mean, thanks for the breaking news Brian Williams but I heard about it 154 RTs ago http://LAteToThePar.ty/DiPShiT. I would recommend that you follow @SpikeJones but even he would advise against that. So #unfollow @SpikeJones

Final Analysis:
I think one of my million, thousands, hundreds, ok one guy commented:

“I find myself clicking on more @Adrants links then all other twitter accounts combined… hmmm, I wonder why. Plus @Adrants represents on #SoCruise… And @SpikeJones insights on WOM is unbeatable and I enjoy how he pokes at us social media enthusiasts…plus he let me borrow a slide once for a presentation – – this will be a tough one – – but B00bs win!”

I agree 100% with 60% of what this guy say and I don’t envy me and the decision I need to make. If it weren’t for the fact that neither gives a rats a$$ and it’s meaningless accomplishment, I might do what any self-respecting NBA ref or State Senator would do and take a bribe, but alas this is going to have to come down to a gut call. And when I think about guts, I think about eating, and when I think about eating, I think about brisket, and when I think about brisket, I think about Texas, and when I think about Texas, I think about the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, and when I think about the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, I think about football, and when I think about football, I think about touchdowns, and when I think about touchdowns, I think about spiked footballs, and when I think about spiked footballs I think about @SpikeJones.

Winner by the hair of my chinny chin chin: @SpikeJones

Congratulations @SpikeJones, you are the 2011 @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney Champion. That and a quarter will get you a cup of coffee (unless you’re going to Starbucks in which case you’ll need another buck 75).

Congratulation to the runner-up @adrants who will assume the crown should @spikejones be unable to fulfill the requirements of champion. I’m certain that will happen by next Tuesday.

Finally, congratulations to all tourney participants, who all bring value to my twitterstream everyday. I love you all for that, especially you @girlsinyogapants 😉

See you all again in 2012.

@deanshaw

To check out the brackets go to challonge/TwitterMadness
For more info on the tourney check out my Diversions page

The Big Dance – @deanshaw Twitter Madness Championship Set

And so here it is, the moment all Tweeters dream about when they are little boys, drawing tweets in the sand at recess, dreaming of one day making it the big dance. The Final Four of the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney. Ok , technically the Final Five. Each has circumnavigated the Twittersphere to emerge as the elite of absolute strangers I follow. Each represents all that is good and non-douchy about the medium. And while each brings their own unique style to the Twitter feed they all have something they share…oh screw it…let’s look at the results…

@SpikeJones v. @Justinkownacki / @mtkgdouchebag There’s a code in the @deanshaw Twitter Madness Tourney. And that code is “don’t hunt elephants.” Fortunately, none of the participants in this match did that as far as I can tell. Now I am sure @SpikeJones has probably hit the odd Armadillo in his stagecoach in Austin, and I am certain @JustinKownacki probably has taken out some polar bears in Erie, PA with a snowball launcher. But this is a lot different than grabbing a high powered rifle, hiding in the bushes, taking down a majestic pachyderm in the dead of night, and then celebrating by making the event a branding opportunity. Now listen, I like elephant meat as much as the next guy but seriously @BobParsons, Not. Cool.

But on to the business at hand…@mktgdouchebag and @justinkownacki took their alliance into the final four hoping that they could rope-a-dope the wiley @SpikeJones with a combination of sarcasm, poignant observation, and web TV episodes (if you haven’t seen the @TheBaristasTV stop reading this now and check it out..err…I mean finish reading this and then go check it out). Perhaps distracted by you know things more important than Twitter @JustinKownacki was surprisingly disengaged during the match which left @mktgdouchebag left to lead the charge. While fighting gallantly for two days he made one critical error – apologizing to hipsters. There is only one time when it’s ok to apologize to hipsters, and that time is…never. I mean I never heard anyone apologize to me when I was sportin’ parachute pants and a Flock of Seagulls ‘do back in the…er…I mean…ummm…nevermind. @SpikeJones bravely (foolishly? Who knows, it’s such a fine line) faced the two-headed monster with defiance, refusing to let @mktgdouchebag back out of the handicap match when the offer was made. He stuck with his game plan – offer a little value as possible, and provoke the shit out of social media enthusiasts. Sounds like a winning combination to me.

For staring down the tag team champions and even dropping a ‘Frankie Goes to Hollywood’ reference…
Winner: @SpikeJones

@Adrants v. @SocialMedia411 In the battle of the faceless, nameless twitter accounts (I mean that’s what social media is all about right) two twitter behemoths squared off in the arena of 140 characters. For most of the tourney, @SocialMedia411 steamrolled over their competition and look unstoppable, leaving a wake of twitter destruction behind them. But the Twitter Madness Tourney is a fickle mistress, unforgiving of even the smallest miscalculation. As so it was, that while @SocialMedia411 seemed destined for Tourney greatness, they lost focus for a split second and tweeted this uncharacteristic gaffe:

“Thinking of taking next week off just to see if anybody notices @SocialMedia411 missing from their stream.”

This bizarre sense of self-importance resulted in a 4,000 point Douchebag deduction, as anyone who thinks that they would ever be missed on Twitter has either a ginormous ego or a twisted sense of reality. Let’s be clear, no one is ever missed on Twitter, not even you @SocialMedia411. As for @adrants, they tweeted about boobs…..twice. Advantage @adrants
Winner: @adrants

So there you have it. After 62 matches, it all comes down to this. The irresistible force vs. the immovable object. The city slicker vs. the lonesome cowboy. The ranter vs. ummmm…the ranter. C’mon boys, it’s game time! #BringIt

To check out the brackets go to challonge/TwitterMadness
For more info on the tourney check out my Diversions page

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